It's All In The Smile
by Scare4irony
Summary: When you're a new born child, you see a strange being hover over your crib...it's always her, she's always your big sister but now she's different and you don't know what's wrong. All you know is that her smile isn't the same.


AN: So 2nd Merlin story. It's about Arthur and Morgana, just moments told in 2nd person. This it like early season 3. I hope you enjoy it!

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**IT'S ALL IN THE SMILE**

_When you're..._

A new born child, you see a strange being hover over your crib. Its got the beginnings of brown wispy hair and pale bluish grey eyes that follow your every moment with curiosity. It looks slightly squishy wearing a pale blue dress with frilly sleaves, hands clutching a small little dog. Its mouth opens slowly and its eyes scrunch up tightly. It then makes a sound that splits your ear drums and makes you heart race in fear.

"Quiet my child you'll frighten Arthur," a voice soothes away from your line of vision. The being is quickly ushered away and suddenly the face of a man takes its place.

You reach your arms out instinctively, fists curled in little balls and feel large hands cradle your body swaying slightly to calm you down. "Hush Arthur, father's here."

**?_?**

_When you're..._

Two years old you meet a girl. She has chestnut coloured hair that reaches just above her shoulders and a blush upon her cheeks. She runs up to you with a yellow dress billowing out behind her and the clinking of bracelets on her wrists. You ignore her, moving the toy horse forwards making clip-clop noises that spill from your lips. From the corner of your eye you see her approaching and tighten the grip on your toy. You look up surveying the glint in her eyes cautiously. "Give me?" she asks with a grin.

"No, G'way 'ana."

She holds her hand out impatiently and you press the toy closer to your chest; fists cover the horse further so that she has no way to grasp at it. "Art, give me!" Before you know it, your head hurts and the toy is gone leaving laughter to waft through the hallways. Wiping away tears and rubbing your head, you decide that you don't like her.

**?_?**

_When you're..._

Five years old spring rolls around. You push the door open and hear laughter from within the room, your eyes narrow. It's her.

"Arthur!" She runs up to you and flings her arms around you body. You tense before awkwardly returning the hug. "I'm staying here for the month," she begins; dragging your elbow through the crowd; "we're going to have fun, are we not?"

Mutely you nod your head still in apprehension. "Lord and Lady Le Fay." You bow before being swept into hugs, kisses and handshakes. "Morgana says she's staying for a month," you try to prevent the outrage from worming into your voice. "It'll be nice having her around."

Your father clamps a hand on your shoulder, nodding in Morgana's direction. "Maybe you'd like to take her around the palace?" She steps forward and kisses the King on the cheek before disappearing in the crowd. Finding her moments later is unpleasant as you trip to the ground and see her smirking above you. "So little prince," she smirks, you glare at her.

_I will not hit a girl...I will not hit someone older than me – a year older._

"Are we gonna have fun or what?"

**?_?**

_When you're..._

Nine years old, you don't think you've ever been so humiliated in your short life. Morgana stands with an ankle crossed behind her other leaning on the sword that is pressed into the dirt. Her hair is in a loose bun and the escaped tendrils are drenched in sweat. "Get up Arthur! Surely you would not let a girl beat you!" she yells from across the training yard. The chainmail on her body glints in the sun and you wonder how she's still standing. You stay still closing your eyes wishing she was anywhere but here. Footsteps approach slowly and you open your eyes to Morgana thankfully blocking out the sun. "Arthur, have I hurt you?" she asks quietly. She drops the sword and crouches on her knees beside you. You struggle to sit and remove the helmet as you brush away your sweaty dirt ridden bangs.

"It's fine," you grind out. Your cheeks flare in humiliation and your eyes narrow at the knights who decided to watch the show.

"Shall we retire and continue another day." She flicks her gaze to the knights and sends them an icy glare. They depart hastily but low grumbles of laughter still make its way to your ears.

"I have never lost before," you state glancing up at her. Her brow is crinkled in the heat and there are dirt marks that trail across her forehead. "Much less to a girl."

She grins at you standing up and grabbing the discarded sword. You stand up slowly waiting until dizziness passes over you. She whirls around and presses the sword under your chin with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Best two out of three."

After that day you alter the outcome of that game to anyone who asks and vow to never fight against Lady sword-wielding, mentally-unstable Morgana, ever again.

**?_?**

_When you're..._  
Thirteen years old Morgana is no longer an acquaintance. She is your sister. You see the anger build up in her body as she is told that her father is no longer among the living. Her eyes widen and she stumbles back away from your father - the bearer of bad news. She runs up to him with tears in her pale grey eyes and she sobs, begs to be wrong. Fists rain down on Uther's chest and he grabs her softly by the shoulders and shakes her slightly. You wince and come up behind her.

"Morgana..." you hesitate as she turns her eyes to you, "I'm so sorry," you finish lamely.

Her defiant face crumples as she digests the words and runs towards you. You close your eyes fearing an attack but instead an armful of Morgana is in your hands. She hugs your waist tightly and you stroke her hair muttering that everything will be okay. "Arthur," she hiccups, "what do I do! He wasn't supposed to die!"

The day of the funeral is soon upon you and you stop outside Morgana's chambers. A crash sounds in the room and immediately thinking the worst you barge in to find her wild eyed and sobbing uncontrollably; the remnants of a vase lie near the window. Cautiously you step towards her and speak slowly. Awareness begins to creep in her eyes and she stares blankly at you. "Help me Arthur," she whispers.

You do. You manage to get her ready with the help of her servants and carefully guide her to the field where he is laid to rest – her black dress is stark against green hills and the red from Camelot's knights. You stand besides her, shoulder to shoulder watching the last rays of light hide behind the hills. She grasps your hand tightly and you promise her that you won't ever let go.

**?_?**

_When you're..._

Seventeen years old you decide that you will marry Morgana. It's the ale talking. The good seven...maybe it was eight pitches of ale. She sits next to you on the stone steps and throws back her head with laughter. "Arthur, don't be ridi,"-hic-," culous." She watches you amusedly. "You and I-n-never gonna be!" Sun streams through the window and you bat away the dust particles with a leather gloved hand.

"Course I will. Father insists!"

"Then you are greater fool than him." She shakes her head. "Listening to your father? Honestly!"

"Fine I shall kiss you and that will prove it!" You declare ramming your face into hers.

"You oaf!" she glares rubbing her forehead. You smile sheepishly. "I am not nearly, sloshed enough for you to try!"

Five minutes later she declares that she is well and truly pissed and you try again. Sloppily you capture her lips and seconds later break away to rest your head Morgana's now sober forehead. You blink owlishly into her eyes and begin to giggle. You will always protest that it was a manly chuckle from the bottom of your stomach. Morgana places her head on your shoulder and takes another swig of the amber liquid. "Alas, my dear, no wedding unfortunately. Kissing you is like kissing my brother ," she loses her composure and her shoulders shake with mirth, "I love you to bits Arthur Pendragon."

**?_?**

_When you're..._

Eighteen years old Morgana sleeps in your bed. Not romantically though. Never romantically. Her hair spills like a fan around her head and you stare as she sleeps quietly. Her breathing is even and her body is still, a much welcome contrast to the night before.

You still remember the ear piercing scream the sounded the guards immediately to her room. You had just entered the realm of unconsciousness when the shrill voice of Morgana rang out through the corridors followed by the hasty steps of a few dozen men. Immediately you leapt out of bed grabbing your sword on the way out and sprint to her chambers where she sat upright and crying into her hands. The guards outside the door dare not enter the lady's chambers but you push through and gather her into your arms whispering that everything will be okay. She begs to not be left alone so you dismiss the guards and kiss the top of her head. She tells you that it was a dream...filled with blood, death, fire. You tell her to sleep. She agrees and turns to her side while you settle down beside her and place an arm protectively across her shoulders.

"Sire!" a voice squeaks from the doorway sweeping low into a curtsy, "I apologise." You lift your head up and rub the sleep away from your eyes. "I was not aware that you would be sharing a bed-"

"Uh-" you blush slightly dumbstruck.

"Again my apologies my lord, you aren't to explain yourself to me." She bows again.

"She had nightmares last night. On the verge of a mental breakdown. I couldn't very well leave her alone sobbing now could I?" There's a hint of annoyance in your voice and you see the maid pale significantly.

"Of course my lord."

"Leave." You wave your arm tiredly and flop back onto the pillows.

"'Breakdown' my arse Arthur." Morgana smirks cracking an eyelid open. She hits you across the arm and stretches kicking you're already bruised shins. You manage not to curse aloud. Her stormy eyes lock with yours and she whispers, 'thanks' before telling you to get out before Uther hears and gets any solid ideas of a union between the two of you.

?_?

_When you're... _

Twenty years old and the summer heat doesn't abate you quite literally stumble across Guinevere. She's crouched on the ground picking up linen sheets when you run out from the corridor and fall over her. She's knocked to the ground but quickly moves to help you until she sees the golden circlet spinning on the stone floor. She gasps and moves forward before moving back in fright. "I'm so sorry sire, I didn't mean to do that! Not that I'm saying I meant to in the first place. Are you okay? Have I hurt you? What am I saying, of course I haven't hurt you, you're the Crown Prince of Camelot, nothing hurts you...course I'm not saying your insensitive..." her ramblings grow in both volume and pitch until you get up and look at her. Her hair hands limply around her face in little ringlets and she wears one of Morgana's old dresses, you can tell because_ you_ gave it to the brunette for her 18th summer.

"I apologise," you cut her off mid sentence; "I should have watched where I was going. Shall I help you with the cloth?" you ask.

Her eyes widen. "Sire, please it's fine I'll manage."

Leaving her and ascending the steps to your room you are suddenly grabbed and pulled into a doorway. "What did you do to Gwen?"

"Nothing! I swear." Your voice rises indignantly. "I crashed into her that's all, I haven't hurt her! She still stands I even offered to help her pick up the mess." A calmness descends on your sister before she launches into idle chatter about her new handmaiden. You see they've become best friends and something at the back of your mind can't help but feel a little bit jealous. "How did you know?"

"She's been helping me with my nightmares, she's a great friend," she speaks animatedly ignoring the question. Suddenly you realise that you have been replaced.

**?_?**

_When you're..._

Twenty-one years old you meet a bumbling idiot who has the audacity to call you his friend. His sharp cheekbones and oddly shaped ears paired with his atrocious clothing and lack of respect makes you think servant. Morgana laughs hearing you recount the fight in market square. "That must have been embarrassing. He sounds like he could have beaten you." A scowl washes upon your face.

**?_?**

_When you're..._

Twenty-two and a winter, something unsettles you about Morgana. She's more discreet, secretive, less likely to smile or pause and talk to you as you walk past. Her eyes sink and her voice is lacking in Morgana-esque tones. She dines with Uther and yourself every few days and screams throughout the castle emanate from her chambers. You've forced Merlin to talk to her but he comes back empty handed only giving you the message that she is fine and for you to 'back off and leave me that Avalon alone or else'.

**?_?**

_When you're... _

Twenty-two and a spring Morgana is taken away from you. Her presence is immediately lacking as soon as you step inside the walls of Camelot after a fruitless search though the lands. Your father has locked himself in his room only to appear when giving an order to find her. Guinevere still cries for her Lady in her chambers when she comes to dust the contents of the room. Merlin doesn't smile as much anymore - it's like he's haunted, as if he has done something wrong. You tease him but he brushes it off and tells you to be careful and come back home safely.

Alone in your chambers when night falls you bid him goodbye patting his shoulder as he sighs and turns to walk past Morgana's room to get to the physicians chambers in levels below. You lock your door and stand at the window with your hands behind your back and look across the rolling hills hoping to see some sign of her, or wishing that she ran through the gates with a smile on her face and your old sword dangling at her hip like when you were kids.

"Pl-please Morgana...come back," you whisper into the wind with tears running down your face. "I miss you terribly," you laugh and wipe the salty water away. _Princes' don't cry, _you think bitterly; you imagine her voice and the smell of her hair, the small creasing of her eyes when she smiles_, princes don't cry but little brothers do._

**?_?**

_When you're... _

Twenty-three and two moons have descended you find her. The crackling of bushes came first before a pale hand extended out from the trees. "Arthur?"

You're eyes widen. "Morgana?" you say unsurely. She runs a hand through her hair and bites her lip. "Morgana!" you yell and run to her before wrapping your arms around her thin body and lifting her into the air. The haze from her eyes slowly lifts as you run your hands over her body feeling for any injuries but more just so you know that she's there and not a figment of your imagination. "What happened? How did you escape..." the questions spill out quickly but elation fills your chest like nothing you've ever felt before. "Come, I must get you back! Everyone will be so happy to see you." The knights around you watch on slightly amused that you've lost all sense of decorum and instead have opted to gush about how much you've been worried about her.

Suddenly blackness clenches your heart and you watch her with a sense of foreboding until she smiles a watery smile. "Camelot," Morgana says quietly. The whispered word make your smile melt away slightly for unexplainable reasons. "I missed you, take me home."

**?_?**

_When you're... _

Twenty-three, two moons and a day the blackness still hasn't left. You stand outside the throne room hearing joy in your father's voice as he hugs his ward.

Morgana's temperament is colder to those she held most dear however. Guinevere's earlier relationship is hardly the same and silence envelops the kind hearted girl when she's in Morgana's presence...and Merlin's distress is now always present and his eyes travel to the ground in her presence. But you, it's a whole new level of cold, a sly smile as she passes or a jibe in your direction that wouldn't have hurt so much had it not been said with such certainty.

"I'm so glad you are safe my child." Your father will no doubt hold a feast in celebration.

"As am I. Thank you for not giving up on finding me," she says. "I'm sorry for being difficult in the past." And there it is - the sentence that scratches your subconscious. Her smile is different you realise...sinister almost. You think back to Morgana's smile as children, even before she disappeared. Something is different, not right and you run a hand over your face banging your head against the wall feeling confused_. She's back though_, you think.

Footsteps approach the door and you hide behind the tapestry. "I hope we are okay?" your father questions, a hint of doubt creeps into his voice, reaching up to Morgana's head he brushes away a strand of hair and pulls her into a hug again.

Morgana laughs. The sound pierces your ears and twists your heart...there's something wrong with it. The blackness is a haze in your mind and you're now on guard around her, watching you_r big sister. _"All is in the past."

You breathe hard behind the threadbare picture and as she walks away you see a flash of a smirk.

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AN: Thanks to those who reviewed my first Merlin story 'A Secret Between Friends', I'm glad you enjoyed my little flash of Arthur as a child. Please feel free to review my other stories or this one. Scare4irony


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